Some Days I Have Hope

Most days I do not. Since no one reads this, I guess it’s OK to speak a bit freely. I do not have a terrible life. It’s better than a lot of people out there. Not the BEST life, but I have a family, I have a job, I have a roof over my head, and I have food. Basics, right?

Then why do I feel so alone and hopeless and like I’m stuck in a rut, a rut that is quicksand and I will NEVER be able to get out? Little things bring a smile to my face every day, however they are not enough to get me out of this awful place, this hopelessness.

Anxiety

Shifting in, shifting out
my brain is leaking
on the floor
her words keep spewing, falling, drooling
I just can’t take it anymore
the wind keeps mocking, taunting me
it’s free outside as I sit and stare
the flag is flowing as I sit anxiously
playing with my hair
I want to jump I want to scream
anticipate my hand around some coke and jimmy beam
the clock is silently ticking

Just Go

She’s frozen
She’s broken
The light so blinding
Too dark to see forward
Too hard to move on
The room just keeps spinning
Tears streaming down her face
She doesn’t know where to go
She doesn’t know what to say
She wants to run away
She wants it all to go away
Please just go away.
Please. Just. Go. Away.

What Are We Looking For

I think I know what you’re looking for
I’m sorry, I just don’t have it
I’m pretty sure I know what you want
I’m sorry, I just don’t have it
I think I know who you’re looking for
I’m sorry, I don’t think she exists
I know exactly who you want
I’m sorry
I’m just not her.

All Wrong

You are so comfortable
You are totally wrong
You are so comfortable
You smell totally wrong
You are so comfortable
You say all the wrong things
I want to love you
I want to be in love with you
but you are
all wrong.